First published in the Fall / Winter edition of Family-TLC Magazine

Unfortunately back-to-school means back-to-bullying for far more children than any of us like to admit.  Bullying is a very real problem but, fortunately there is a solution.

Bullies target those that are easiest to bully, and the easiest target is the child lacks confidence and is least likely to stand up for themselves.  Unfortunately this is a hard thing to do for most kids, or even adults for that matter.

So the key is confidence; a person that is confident is far less likely to be targeted by a bully.  A child that can verbally, and if necessary, physically stand up for themselves is going to be more trouble for a bully who is looking to boast their own confidence at the expense of others.

So how do you help your child become bully proof?

1. Praise everything.  Children hear far more negative statements then positive.  “Don’t do this”, “Don’t touch that”, “keep quiet”, etc. The general rule coaches learn is 3 positive statements for every negative one.  This is a good rule to carry out of the gym or off the field as well.  If your child is constantly being told they are good, and doing amazing they will become what they are told and gain the confidence of it.  To strengthen this effect, surround your child with other people and put them in activities where they will hear those same things from other sources.  The more different places they are hearing positive statements the stronger the effect.However the goal is not to simply praise for the sake of praising, it needs to be specific towards what you are trying to encourage.  Praise effort, attentiveness, focus and other traits you want to develop.
2. Teach them “Verbal Judo”.   Must bullying can be stopped through words, saying the right thing at the right time.  Calling the bully on his statements and actions, making them hold responsibility for their actions.  Simply having the confidence to ask the bully to stop, or asking them why they are doing what they are doing.Speaking confidently and saying the right thing can make all the difference, both with bullies and in life.
3. Teach them to help others.   Little things add up, and realizing that they have the ability to help others is a big part of being a confident person.  Teach them to open doors, help with the yard work, and volunteer in the community with you.  Lead by example and remember to thank them for what they do, even if it is small.Another great way to do this is have them working with younger kids in some regard.  The act of “teaching” others not only improves their knowledge of what they are teaching, but also builds their confidence in themselves.
4. Give them the physical skills.  With bullies the ultimate threat is being beat up.  Bullies use the threat of violence as a way to keep power over others.  If that threat doesn’t frighten your child because they understand how to defend themselves. If they know, without question, through direct and repeated experience, that they are capable of protecting themselves. That they can control a bigger, stronger and older opponent because they do so every week against bigger, stronger and older (but less experienced) kids in a martial arts class, they will have the confidence in how they respond verbally because that fear won’t be there.

Martial Arts is only part of the answer though.  It can teach them to be physically stronger and confident in their ability to defend themselves.  It can teach them to stand in front of a class and perform.  But the real secret lies in the way the child is taught, not just in a martial arts gym, but everywhere they interact with leaders.

It’s also never too early to start, don’t wait until your child is a victim to teach them how not to be one.  A confident child is not only bully proof, but primed for being unstoppable in whatever they do.

Andrew Green is head coach at Innovative Martial Arts and can be reached at 794-5993, or through http://innovativema.ca

One of the most important attributes of grappling is balance, both standing and on the ground.  Here are 10 games that can be used to help kids develop better balance.

1. Hoping
In order to defend take-downs you have to be able to hop, especially in younger kids this skill is going to need some development. Once they can hop simple games like tag or dodge-ball played on one foot can really develop balance and endurance.

2. Chicken Fights
Two players step into the ring and grab their own foot, they use their free hand to push and pull on their opponent. The player who’s foot touches the ground first loses. As a safety tip watch that they are not putting their hands in each others faces or grabbing clothing. With older children this game can also be played with the hands behind the back, using the chest, shoulders and head to push.

3. Leg fighting
Two players grab each others arms at the elbow facing each other and lift a leg. They can use their arms to push, pull and twist without releasing their grip, and they can use their up leg to hook and sweep at their opponents up leg. The first player to fall or put their foot down loses.

4. Partnered Hoping
Partnered up athletes grab each others foot. So each person grabs his partners right foot with his/her right hand. They must hop as a team in a race across the floor. Once the skill is in place playing tag or other floor games in this way can really build endurance and the ability to change directions while retaining balance.

5. Shield Fighting
Equipment: Large Kick Shields
Facing off with the shields held in front of them they must use the shields to push their opponent out of the ring or make them fall. The can push, as well as pivot out of the way as their opponent pushes. A more advanced version of this drill can also be done when wearing jackets (gi) by grabbing each others sleeves. Players cannot use their legs or release their grip on the shield or the sleeves.

6. Wrestling Hand Shake
Players stand facing each other placing their right feet side by side. They then grab their right hands together. Using only the right hand grip they must push and pull in an attempt to make their opponent lose balance and move their right foot. The left foot is free to move.

7. Protect the ball
Using a exercise ball one player goes belly down on top of the ball. Their goal is to remain on top of the ball while the other player attempts to push or pull them off and take the ball from them. Basic techniques like the half nelson, cross face and hip tilts can be taught. The game can also be played with 3 players, however safety concerns increase when adding more players.

8. Tip the Table / Flip the Turtle
One player starts in a turtle position (referees position), the other starts with hands on the back. The goal is for the top player to turn the bottom player over.

9. Log Riding
Participants partner up and line up on one end of the mat. One player lies down on their back, the other in a mounted position. They then race to the other end of the mat, the bottom player doing a barrel roll sideways, or shrimping head first. The top player must remain mounted.

10. Rescue Mission
Using kick-shields, or other small mats players must cross the mat and rescue one or more medicine balls or exercise balls and return to the start position. They need to stay on the mats, and cannot slide them, but must pick them up and place them as they go. The number of mats they have should force them to group tight and work together to avoid falling.